Skip to content
Scroll to Top
- Tongue. Found balled up in an inside-out pant leg while pulling laundry out of the dryer. Slightly felted. No longer fits quite right. Manufacturer discontinued the original model and has no compatible replacement.
- Wrist (right). Found pressed against a former lover’s lips. It would not apologize and refuses to come home. (Former lover claims not to have seen their lips in some years. Suspect.)
- Fingertip callouses. Died of neglect. Potential revival spells in progress, but unable to confirm care and feeding requirements for undead callouses.
- Knees. Found stuck to a hassock in a university chapel. Complications reclaiming bones due to ongoing investigation into potential relic status, despite overwhelming evidence of non-sainthood.
- Heart. Found—just kidding.
- Eardrum. Found stuck to an earbud, crusted with podcasts. Descaled and reattached. Occasional maintenance recommended.
- Elbow (left). Peeled off an invisible smear of maple syrup on the dining table. Unable to find suitable grafts for replacement skin; permanent coating of syrup medically necessary to prevent infection.
- Hip (left or right, undetermined). Found under a table at the end of a night out dancing. Affectionately belligerent. Declared enduring love for seven individuals of varying familiarity, passed out in the taxi on the way home.
- Pineal gland. Found terrified amid philosophical controversy. Joyfully resumed duties of regulating circadian rhythms.
- Toe. Found in someone else’s bed. Now exists as a running cautionary joke and treasured memory.